There's No "Because"

All social structures are psychological first before they become physical habits and experiences. At present, one of those psychological structures that leads to all kinds of volatile physical habits and experiences is to place burdens where they don't belong. This is a residue from the experiment of separation. The belief in separation was an extreme experiment. We're moving away from separation, now. We're in the midst of turning back toward the recognition of unity, but it's going to be a process. Those of you reading this blog are on the forefront of that process. You're willing to look at the structures and ask questions.

In order to turn something around, you have to see it. Right now, these misplaced burdens are viewed as "they way things are." Sometimes, they're seen but, for the most part, they run on autopilot. I believe in taking ourselves off of autopilot. To take ourselves off of autopilot, we have to look at how, and why, we do what we do.

Right now, as a world culture, we link our behavior to other people and outside events, and then we place the burden for our choices on the outer world. This is not where the burden belongs. The burden for every individual's choices is on the individual. That's not how we do it, at the moment. In fact, you're carrying a great deal of weight that isn't your own. Everyone is. Have you ever tried to make someone happy? Or to persuade someone to change their perspective so that it was the same as yours? Or tried to calm someone down when they were angry? Then you're carrying burdens that aren't your own.

In order to place burdens where they don't belong, we have to tie our behavior to a "because." We say that we do something because of something else. We link our choice to act, think, and feel to something that's other than that action, thought, or feeling. We link to give a reason, or an explanation, or a justification to our choices. But there are no reasons, explanations, or justifications for our choices. We make choices. We make choices because we have the ability to make choices alone. We choose to make choices because we can make the choice. Let's look at an example.

Say that you don't like it when people put their feet on your antique, heirloom coffee table. You've told everyone in the house that this behavior is forbidden and, yet, people still do it, and this angers you. You say, "I'm angry because I've told him hundreds of times not to put his feet on the coffee table, and he still puts his feet on the coffee table." You list out the reasons why this angers you:

"It angers me because I feel like he doesn't listen to me."
"It angers me because I feel like he doesn't respect me."
"It angers me because I feel like he doesn't value me when he doesn't value my belongings."
"It angers me because I feel like I have no control over my own environment and the things I cherish."
"It angers me because I feel like he wants me to suffer."
"It angers me because I feel like he's trying to provoke me."
"It angers me because I feel like this is his way of expressing a resentment against me that he won't come out and express."

You could probably list some more "reasons" why this behavior angers you. And now I'm going to say a very annoying thing. I'm going to say that none of those reasons are why you're angry. You're angry because you're choosing to be angry, and for no other reason. Here's why. Reasons don't make your choices. You make your choices. You've made the choice to make other people putting their feet on your coffee table a trigger for your belief that you're not significant if people don't obey. People perform the action that you don't like, you focus on the belief that you're not significant and not able to have what you want, and that idea has a resonance that feels bad. We call that bad feeling "anger."

You think that someone putting their feet on the coffee table is triggering your anger. You say that this is "the reason" that you're mad. That's not why you're mad. What's triggering your anger is your belief that this event means that you have no value in the world. You've set up this condition as the trigger for you to focus on that idea, and that idea produces what we call anger. The trigger point for the anger is that link you've formed between your rule that people can't put their feet on the coffee table and the idea that disobedience means that you have no power. You don't have to link those ideas. This event could have no meaning for you, and you could manifest anger for no reason. That's because these things aren't inherently linked.

You act, however, as if you have no choice in the matter, that the event, the reason, creates your feeling of anger. If reasons made your choices, then if I wanted to anger you, all I would have to do is put my feet on the coffee table. You would have no choice but to be angry at me. There would be no other option available to you. But there are other choices available to you, aren't there?

What if I was a relative that you cherished more than the coffee table, and I was in the middle of a medical emergency that required my feet to be elevated, and I placed my feet on the coffee table, and it saved my life, and you were grateful that putting my feet on the coffee table saved my life? Why the exception? If reasons cause actions, then you'd have no choice but to be angry.

"Well, those are different circumstances," you say.

No, they're not. Feet are being placed on the coffee table. These are the exact same circumstances.

"The reason the feet are being placed on the coffee table is different," you say.

Ah, and here we have it. You're making an exception to your rule based on your belief about the mental state of the one placing their feet on the coffee table and whether it reflects on your worth. So, it turns out that reasons don't make your choices. You make your choices by how you're choosing to view things. You're making the choice about when you believe it's reasonable for you to be angry, and when you believe it's unreasonable for you to be angry. No one's making that choice for you. You're making it.

You could modify your rules and not get angry if someone's in their socks when they put their feet on the coffee table. Or you could choose not to get angry if they've genuinely forgotten the rule. You could choose to change your values and say that the comfort of people is more important than the appearance of things and allow the coffee table to be used to prop up tired feet. Or you could replace that coffee table with one that's more durable to feet and place the antique in a safer location. You've got a lot of options, don't you? You don't have to be angry. Your anger isn't a predetermined state dictated by that event. Feet on coffee tables don't cause anger, do they? You decide to be angry at these things by setting up links between ideas. You manufacture consequences to rules that you design based on what you choose to think that these things mean to you.

We all do this. Sometimes we're the ones prohibiting people from putting their feet on the coffee table and getting angry when others disobey, and sometimes we're the ones putting our feet on the coffee table and having a reaction to those people who want to curb our freedom. In one circumstance, you're putting the burden on others for your feeling, and in the other, you're accepting the burden for other people's feelings (reacting in anger to someone telling you what to do tells you that you believe that there might be some sort of burden to compromise present that you've accepted).

Here's the thing, and the reason I'm writing this particular blog. Individually, we set things up to trigger ourselves, but instead of taking responsibility for our triggers, we say, "You made me angry because you put your feet on the coffee table." We place the burden for our feelings on other people. But other people don't create our rules. We do that. Our feelings, then, are our burden.

Right now, in our society, people are implying that you're responsible for their feelings because you don't look, act, or think the way they've set it up in their minds that those around them should look, act, and think. This is a three part diminishment of your value. It's saying that your freedom to look, act, and think the way that you choose is irrelevant, that you're obligated to obey them, and that you hold the burden for the way that they feel. In sum, they're saying that they own you.

This behavior cuts across every aspect of culture and is so insidious that taking it apart the way I've done here is a tedious process. It's a bit like scaling a mountain because this isn't something that's going to change easily or quickly. Nevertheless, change it will because the burdens have to return to their proper places. Every individual has to hold the burden for the way that they feel. In order to carry your own burden, you have to see how you're setting up the triggers for your feelings. You have to see your rules.

The most helpful thing of all is to notice that there's no "because." That's your climbing gear to get up the mountain. So, let's look at it. We artificially link choices to ideas. We say:

"I hate you because [your personality]."

"I hate you because [your race, sex, physical appearance]."

"I hate you because [your politics, religion, beliefs]."

"I hate you because [event, circumstance, behavior]."

Whatever you place in the brackets is your chosen link. You're choosing that criteria. You could choose other criteria or no criteria. You could say:

"I hate you because [chair]."

In other words, what's really happening here is this:

"I hate you."

There is no "because." You're choosing to express that choice to hate. The "because" is irrelevant. The fact of the matter is, you don't need a "because" to express hate. Hate is one of your choices. All of the linking is a deception because hate doesn't need a reason to exist. The choice to hate exists all on its own with no reasons, whatsoever. The point is that the excuses don't create the choices. The excuses don't choose. You make the choice. It's always in your hands.

People will tell you that what you're doing is why they're feeling what they feel. They'll say, "I hate you because you're not a good person. If you were a good person, then I'd love love you. But you're a bad person, so I feel bad about you. You're making me feel bad by your behavior and the way that you are." When people do this, they're trying to place the burden for their feelings on your back. It's their burden, not yours. They're feeling what they feel because they've set up criteria that says that, "Under these circumstances, I allow myself to feel this way." They set it up that way. They could set it up another way. You're not responsible for their lack of effort to do so. Instead of understanding this, lots of people go through their life feeling inadequate because they're not making those around them happy.

It's not your responsibility to morph into something that fits the rules that other people have designed for when it's okay for them to feel good. When you play the game of conforming to other people's expectations in an attempt to manage their moods, you find that some people have designed their rules so that they're never content under any circumstances, and all your personal modifications are for naught.

This is a long-winded way of saying that you're free to be who you are, even when other people don't like it and insist that you're the reason that they feel bad. You can't be the reason that they feel bad. It's not possible because you don't make their choices. You don't set up their trigger points. They do that.

Everyone is choosing the way that they feel by the ideas that they hold. Holding an idea is a decision. No one's stuck in any feeling because they can make new decisions. They can hold different ideas. This process is a personal thing. Everyone's doing it differently, and almost no one is doing it intentionally and thoughtfully. Therefore, you're free to stay out of it. Let people feel what they feel, knowing that, no matter what they say, it's not your fault. No matter what you do, they could choose to feel differently about it. Your choices don't make their choices. Your choices don't make their decisions. You're choices don't make their feelings. The burden for their feelings is with them. And the opposite is true, as well.

Next time you feel something, good or bad, take a moment to remember, "I'm not feeling this thing because of a reason. I'm feeling this thing because I've chosen to feel this. The reason was just a trigger I set up, but I don't need that trigger to feel this feeling. I can feel this feeling with no trigger." This way, you know that you're the one in control of your life. You're the one in control of the way that you feel, and you're not a victim of other individuals, circumstances, or events. Then you're carrying your burden, properly.

There's no "because" for anything that you think, feel, or do. There's no "because" for anything that others think, feel, or do. All of us are choosing our thoughts, feelings, and actions, and the reasons are extra. In other words, the reasons are not choosing anything for us. Although this idea might seem daunting, or maybe even incomprehensible, it speaks to something very important. It speaks to the fact that we're much freer than we've been taught.

You're reading by Samantha Standish. If you want to learn more about what happened in my out-of-body experience, my book, "Equal," is available for a nominal amount at,

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