When People You Love Do Unloving Things

This is the dilemma of the human race.

Beings do things that are unkind. How do you handle that? As a human race, we don't have our basic skills down, yet. It's a basic human skill to be able to discern the difference between the being and the doing. Beings aren't what they do. Beings do. Beings experience what they do. But beings aren't what they do.

Therefore, the question is, "Can you love a person while finding what they do repugnant?" Can you understand that loving a person doesn't reward them for their behavior? In fact, if the masses were taught to exercise unconditional love, you wouldn't have people doing repugnant things in the first place. It's the conditional, punishing responses the teach individuals that they have no value. This begins those processes that evolve into repugnant behavior. Reward and punishment creates instability. It doesn't cure it.

If you remove the activity of reward and punishment, you have neutrality and non-judgment. You have understanding. You have sophisticated responses built on solutions. You engender stability. That's what most people are seeking, but fail to accomplish in reward and punishment. That's because you don't find stability in domination, influence, persuasion, or control. You must look elsewhere. That elsewhere has yet to be explored in this reality.

You don't have to endure, tolerate, or put up with any unkind act. But understand that loving people, despite their behavior, doesn't condone what they do. It doesn't encourage what they do. It doesn't mean that you don't have a backbone or standards or ethics. You can be decisive about what you will, or will not, allow and still love people. You can be firm and clear and say no, while still loving people. You just have to be uncommonly strong and focused. You have to know what will get the job done, and what won't.

Reward and punishment isn't morality. It's control. It doesn't accomplish the end that it seeks to achieve. What gets the job done is ethical consistency. You have be moral. Morality is appreciation. Your morality creates stability because it's not capricious. Your unconditioned appreciation reminds people that they're loved, that they're valued, and that they count.

To be clear, I'm not talking about martyrdom here. I'm not even talking about letting the person involved know how you feel. You can be appreciative while being unequivocal. You can love people, while showing them the door and not having them in your life. I'm not talking about trying to change people with your love, either. It's naive to think that you're going to have an impact if the individual is at the stage of doing unkind things. But you can be at ease, personally, knowing that your appreciation for the being below the doing contributes to another paradigm, a paradigm that fosters stability. It counts. That effect, however, doesn't come with flashy lights and instant results. It's a contribution. It's a stance. It's an offering. And it's significant.

Thus, what do you do when people you love do unloving things? You don't have to be angry. You don't have to be sad. You don't have to be defeated. You don't have to change them. Instead, you can address to the doing and the being separately. You can keep your personal standards in place, allow the circumstances to play themselves out with complete neutrality, and love the individual anyways.

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You're reading http://hummingbirddaredevils.blogspot.com/ by Samantha Standish. If you want to learn more about what happened in my out-of-body experience, my book, "Equal," is available for a nominal amount at Lulu.com,

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