It's Okay To Be Displeasing To Others

This one is for all of you fixers out there. Fixers carry angst with them wherever they go, and since I've done my fair share of this, I'd like you to know that there's a way out.

You become a fixer by believing it's your job to make the world safe and comfortable for other people. You do this because you believe that other people need to feel good before you can allow yourself to feel good. This is masked as compassion, but it's really servitude. You make yourself subservient to another person's interests. You put yourself second. No one wins when you do this. It teaches the people you're serving to be lazy, and you train yourself out of knowing your own inclinations because your attention is on people and events outside of you. It's a lose lose situation. Plus, you can't make the world safe and comfortable for other people. It's not your job, and it can't be done, in any case. So, it's really a lose, lose, lose situation.

Trying to take care of others before you take care of yourself is the practice of asking for permission to express yourself. If you ask for permission to be who you are and to behave in the way that's natural for you, you'll be denied that permission. Your natural self is not pleasing to other people. It's pleasing to you.

When you act on your natural impulses, you'll never be able to satisfy all of the things that other people want from you. Therefore, you're never going to have perfect agreement from other people that what you're doing is okay. You might have momentary permission or partial permission, but total permission is nearly non-existent at this time because people are still having to learn how to love and accept others unconditionally, and there's quite a ways to go on that. In the meantime, you're going to have to learn to give yourself permission to be who you are. This means that you have to allow yourself to be displeasing to other people. There's no other way around it.

There's a myth in this world that you're not allowed to be a detriment or burden to other people. Those people you interact with are supposed to find you an asset to their interests. Those individuals have a list in their head of what they'd like to see you do, and then they measure your activities against that list. Then they make an assessment as to whether your actions are acceptable or unacceptable based on how many of those boxes on their list you've ticked off. If you're serving most of their interests, they see you as an asset. If not, you're viewed as unacceptable. Being unacceptable to other people is supposed to be bad. But is it really?

Everyone is engaging in this pattern to varying degrees. Every person is playing both sides of this equation--trying to measure up to other people's lists and measuring the activities of other people against their own list. There's an assumption, underlying this activity, that this is an agenda-based world. And it is not. That's worth looking at.

This is not a world of accomplishment. This is a world of experience. You are not meant to get things done. You're meant to experience things. You may get things done on the way to your experiences, but the getting things done isn't the point. The experience is the point.

How can another person know which experiences are natural to your being? That's the question. How can they feel the resonance, pulsing within you? How can they be you? They can't. Therefore, their expectation of your allegiance to their agenda is pure, unequivocal selfishness. No justifications are going to make it otherwise. These people are not taking you into consideration. They're only taking their own desires into consideration. And the same goes for you when you do this to other people.

Everyone is looking at the world through their own perspective. Trying to create consensus is a waste of time. Consensus happens naturally when you follow your heart. When you follow your heart, you meet up with other people doing the same. The world doesn't fall apart. It comes together in a strong, coherent way.

At this point, individuals have to step out of this need-for-agreement patterning and be willing to displease those around them. They have to stop looking to other people for permission to be natural. This is most especially so when it comes to happiness, pleasure, and contentment. To be out of this permission patterning, you have to be willing to feel good while other people are railing against the world.

Other people will not like you when you do this. They'll want you to fix their misery before you show any signs of thriving. They'll call you immoral, uncaring, and inconsiderate. They'll say you're not a nice person and that all you care about it yourself. They'll say all kinds of things. The labels aren't important. The substance of what's happening is important and, substantively, these people are asking you to abandon your self for their self. Of course, they're entitled to their selfish desire that you sacrifice your happiness to work to achieve theirs. It's just that it's not your job to give it to them. It's not your job to give other people what they want from you. It's your job to give yourself what you want from you.

It is perfectly normal to be unacceptable to other people. It's a big world full of infinite activities. You're not here to pursue only those activities that benefit other people. You're not here to please other people at all. You're here because you wanted to have a physical life experience. You're here to pursue those explorations that are natural to you, without regard to what other people may think about those activities. It's none of their business. They'll give you all kinds of reasons why it is their business but, at the end of the day, it's your life to live any way you're inclined to live it. Commentary from others is the expression of ignorance. Other people can't be you. They can't. They may try to convince you otherwise, but it's your right to call out the bullshit when you see it.

If someone isn't allowing you absolute freedom, it's bullshit in candy coloring. They're asking you to give your life to them. They're asking you to give your decisions to them. They're asking you to give your choices to them. They're asking you to give your mind to them. They're asking you to give your volition to them. Your energy, effort, and activity are yours. They're designed to serve your explorations. You might want to think about that before you hand it over to those who would use you.

It's not your job to fix anyone. No one needs fixing. We all come here for our own purposes. Honor yours by getting to know those things that make you happy and giving them their due priority. Your pleasure, enjoyment, and satisfaction are meant to guide you. These things are your right. They're meant to be first because you're meant to be the priority in your life. It would make sense that this is the natural order because this is the natural order.

It's okay to be who you are. And that doesn't have to make anyone happy but you. Your unacceptability to others is quite acceptable. The world can, and will, make way for you if you accept who you are. It was designed to do just that. You just have to put your natural self back into its proper spot as your highest priority.

You're reading by Samantha Standish. If you want to learn more about what happened in my out-of-body experience, my book, "Equal," is available for a nominal amount at,

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